So here I am, 32 years old and wondering about so many things in my life. Why am I here? Why does nothing seem to be going the way it should be? Why are there so many tragic things happening around the world? What's next for me? Who am I?
I have so many questions that I want answers to like, right now but I know that's not possible. I wish someone or something would just come into my life and take care of all these things that I've either messed up or that I can't change at this moment. But, here I am, waiting.
When I grew up I went to church every Sunday with my Mom and brother until I was around five years old and then it just stopped. I'm not sure the whole reasoning behind stopping. For whatever reason I didn't ask to go to church when I was older and once I was out of the house I definitely didn't think church was needed. It got to the point where I was actually scared and intimidated to step foot in a church. I know it was because I didn't have God in heart and I knew the guilt of my sins would make me emotional and I guess I just didn't want to face those feelings. I stayed out of church for years, you guys...YEARS! It wasn't until I was 31 years old that I stepped foot inside a church again.
So why did I decide to go? So many things in my life weren't how I wanted them to be. I knew I needed something or someone higher than myself, more knowledgeable, with more wisdom, to help show me the way to being content and self assured. I had a friend who invited me to her church one day and I decided to make a go of it. Let me tell you, although I may have looked calm and cool, I was terrified. I had no idea what it was like to be in a church as an adult. Luckily I was able to make it through that first service. I laughed, I cried, I wept in the car on my way home. It was a life changing event for me and I wouldn't take it back for anything. I didn't decide to go to church because someone was forcing me to, not because I felt like it was the so-called "right" thing to do, not even because I wanted my kids to go...I started going to church for ME.
Every single service I cry, my friend and I sometimes cry together. There's no judgement there, only acceptance and I feel like that's something I've needed for so long and have just been unable to find. I'm not saying that people in my life like my husband, kids, family, don't accept me for who I am, but this is on a whole new level for me. It's so emotional just being in my church and being around so many other followers, knowing we all are accepted by our savior.
After going every week for a few months I knew I wanted and needed to show my love for God and Jesus in an outward way and I felt compelled to be baptized. I didn't exactly know what that meant really, I mean I knew I'd get my head dunked in water but I didn't know the real meaning behind it.
So why did I chose to get baptized instead of only being saved?
I'm a follower of Christ and am saved
Jesus himself was baptized
Baptism is a public declaration of your belief
So first off, if you are saved and consider yourself a follower of Christ, then being baptized is a way to show everyone in your church and in your life how you are dedicated to Jesus and his teachings. I totally feel a change in my life from going to church, learning about God, Jesus, and the Bible. I want the world to see and know how much I believe and how being a believer has changed me, how it has bettered my life. Secondly, Jesus was baptized and what follower wouldn't want to be more like Jesus, right?! Duh, haha.
I want to be able to raise my children in such a way that they know they can count on Jesus through all the things they might end up going through. He might not make things easy for them, or for me or you, but God has a plan. He knows what we're all sent here for and we'll never know! I want to be sure in myself through Him, knowing He's there for me no matter what.
I used to think that all I had become was a stay at home Mom and that my life was meant to be that way and that's it. I was so wrong. I know now, after talking with my Pastor, that my identity doesn't come from my job, it doesn't come from what I look like, it doesn't come from me being a mother...my identify comes from me being His daughter, that's it! Everything else, although amazingly important, is fleeting. We're here for such an amazingly short amount of time and I know now that I desperately needed to put my trust into the One who knows all things.
I kind of associate baptism to a wedding ring. Having the wedding ring doesn't make you married just like being baptized doesn't make you saved. The wedding ring and the baptism are both outward ways to show people what you believe in and who you are!