We've all been there. All of us mamas at some point have lost. our. shit. There's no easy way to explain why and during that moment there's nothing we can do, or anyone can do, to fix it. I know I've felt like I'm the one who needs "fixing" before. Let's face it, being a mother is HARD. There's no sleep, someone else is making all the decisions, there's always a diaper that needs changed or a potty break you've got to beg someone to do, someone always wants food and juice and a blanket, but not that blue blanket it has to be the green one with squares, someone is always tired and grumpy, never wants to take a bath they desperately need, makes messes on purpose just to tell you to clean them up, learns to play you like a fiddle... There's always something and those somethings that YOU need never seem to get done.
Can I just tell you, you're not alone. I've felt so alone sometimes in the past 4 years and I still do all the time. I think part of that feeling is normal, especially after your first baby. Your girlfriends who you used to spend so much time with disappear and you realize you need to find friends in other people who have small kids which can be hard! I'm thankful enough to realize at this point that sometimes after babies, we lose friends. It just happens, we drift apart because kids take over your life. They're all you're about and it'll be that way for the next 18+ years. It's not that you don't want to be friends anymore but it honestly just doesn't work that way. You're marriage isn't the same after having a baby. I suffered from post partum depression and our marriage suffered too. It's hard to admit that you think you have something going on inside you that you can't control or change. Emily was a year old before I finally decided to make an appointment with my doctor to talk about who I had become. I've grown to really rely on the knowledge of my Mom which is something I never did before. I've realized now after having two babies just how much being a mother changes you and how my Mom would do absolutely anything for me and how she's always been that way I just didn't see it.
Whenever you're completely loosing yourself and feel like screaming I want you to take a deep breath and look... Look at the amazing human beings you created and brought into this world. Look at how much they need you and how much you need them! Think about how they're constantly learning new things and try to see the world through their eyes. There's nothing in the world that beats being a mother even if it's the most exhausting thing we will ever do and even if we'll never be done doing it. YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE IT and you're not alone. We're all going to make it and look back on these crazy ass times and just wish we could be here again.
So here's to childhood... Now who wants to drink some wine with me?!?!